Meat off the bones

Lusty from gin
Bring myself in
Like pet, dragged wet from weather
Tail between legs
Eyes set in a stare
Weeping
Coughing
Clothed in sin.

Too soft, too sweet, too pretty.

I chased another muse today
Dark hair like me
Black magic in the liner notes
Special powers of disregard
Lovely
Spindly
Weaver of words.
A large, shocking slap in the face
To remind me to stop thinking as much
About all them outside
Who have no bearing
On my current trajectory
I am no whore
For this money that is waved
I am no slave
For whom those fingers click
I am
Navigator
I am
Engine
I am
Sail-bending wind
That is me. That is I.

Now to plot my path out along here.
Like diving bells
I can throw them
Wherever I please.
There are no rules.
This fills me with hope
And desire
To fuck shit up
Shake the meat from the bone and
Cackle from a skeleton of truth

Too soft, too sweet, too pretty.
Truth is hard, ugly and wonderful.
This is where I should be.

I wrote this about my song 'I (Just) Want To Hold Your Hand' - just after I'd written it really

This is from that old thing called Myspace. Posted 16 July 2008

hello.

i have put a new song up, did you see?

if not... if for some strange reason you've come straight to my blog... it is called 'I (just) Want To Hold Your Hand' - get it? well, i thought it was a funny joke.

it's a sad song about holding on real tight, til the sky comes blue again. it's a hopeful song about saying goodbye. it's a grave song about brilliant and disturbing thoughts. it's full of those contradicting things called feelings which add up to equal melancholy, like the bulk of much of the music i have posted here and henceforth.

the song is a strong indicator that i have a big male influence in my life. i've never sympathised with my sex past the whole periods and babies thing and have always loved men - be they writers, musicians, artisans, work colleagues, cashiers, postal workers. more accurately, i have been drawn to male figures more than to females.

this song is undeniably and intentionally derivative. i hope it veers and eventually tears away from the derivative form and becomes the homage i intended it to be. i have hope for you song... one day you will be strong, independent of me, like a flailing arm that moves of it's own will, waving at your friend who stands atop the hill at a trig station. your foundations will become so solid that they merge with the bed rock, making you a fortress locked to the ground. the strongest building made of song around.

this song is quite special. quite fragile. quite confused. i hope that you take it and make of it what you will. i'm owed some magical karmic backlash/back pat i'm sure from all the good and evil things i've done.

this song is for you. because i really like you. and thats what it means when i try look you in the eye with a smile on my dial. i want you to have this song. it's a gift to your ear bones wrapped in old newspaper and tied with ribbons of dental floss. it's all i could find at short notice.

matt storey (papernecks) helped and is helping me grow this song to be a flowering female plant rather than a non-flowering male one so it might take seed and make more songs. he patiently recorded me and i recorded him on some things and he made me cups of tea and talked to me about people and the wintry world in between while he smoked cigarettes and i sat on my hands to keep the cold from getting at them. thanks tu meke. you are the best.

come back soon and check on the song. it will probably change in the next month or two. i'll keep you posted.